I'm typin away in my office right now..

Recently things have been too crazy for me to ignore. Too much to type. And i couldn't be bothered. Just that my mood have been too low for me to do anything. Everything seem so meaningless and pointless till the fact i don't even feel like headin out with my colleauges anymore..

I even bashed up someone badly few days back.. But he truefully deserves it.. For what he had done to my friend..

No matter how much i can remember bout what Charis told me, i still can't make my days happy. I keep tellin people to takecare and cheerup, but i can't even pass my own stage. There's just nothin for me to be happy bout. I felt that i've really let Charis down..

What have happened to me? Because of what happened in the past, have i changed so much? Where was the cheerful me durin poly years? Where was the happy go lucky Alan that used to be surrounded by so many friends? Were all those nothin but illusions?

For every one i have told my past to, other than those 'wow' reactions who mentioned the word 'dramatic', which few can really feel the pain i went through durin the ordeal? Who can really understand the aftermath i have gone through all those years durin my army life? For those whom i told bout me bein a Pes A clerk, how many truely understand the reason behind?

How many in this world truely understood me? MinMin? Jacq? Inin doesn't understood me at all durin our time together, though i was really happy with her. Even mom doesn't understand me well though we've gone through thick and thin for 23years. So who's next?

I'm not broodin over my past..
I'm just sad at the fact..
I've changed so much..
And nobody understands me anymore..
I'm full of moodswings and temper nowadays..
Stay away..

Maybe i'll just stop whinin soon..

Ciao.