Seriously, what is love?

This has been the 83953923th time i've actually asked myself. Ever since i first bled for it ages ago, the counter has been tickin. But never once i had a confident answer..

It always changes after each long chapter.

In the past, i used to think i am a lucky chap. Met some really wonderful girls, and each always so happy and smiley with me. But i was young, i was inmature. I drew blood from the very entity they called 'love'. Until the day i saw Min, until she taught me whats tears and pain..

Love is bout how much both wanted each other.

Thats what i thought. But i soon learnt the fact that no matter how much both can love one another, things may still end. My heart went dead..

Meetin Inin years later gave me hope. She showed me life can be so warm again. Then i thought, she was everythin i wanted. I still think i'm right, she is. A sweeet girl i can be at ease with, so natural, so happy. We spent everyday together, we had no conflicts in opinions, we kept no secrets..

Love is bout findin the right person.

But again, theory proven wrong. Her ex came, and she loved both of us. Ended up me givin up for her happiness. So much bout havin the right person..

When i met the 3rd (she dreads me tellin people our story), i seriously loved her loads. I cared for her, i pampered her, i spoilt her. Did so much crap i never thought i would, more than anyone else in my life. Cos i was already so tired, so sick of endin and startin again. I thought i can keep the love alive. I thought..

Love is bout lovin and acceptin the way she is.

Even her 5yo son. Haha, needless to say, turned out to be the ugliest r.s i ever had. It became my biggest regret. Hate myself for bein silly and givin in all the time. Ended up me lovin her son more than she loved me..

2 months ago, i actually met the 4th. Rena, a really sweeet, fun lovin girl. We fell in love in the funniest way. We had similarities, and most importantly, we know what each other is thinkin..

Love is bout havin someone who understands you.

How did it end? Its just a few entries back, take a peep if you would. Status differences, which includes different lifestyle and habits. We're like the richest girl with the poorest guy, got together at the wrong timin too..

So seriously, what exactly is love?

Prior to the post regardin 吴小姐 sayin "aiyo...u chg gf like chg underwear lor", does it still seem the same? I DO NOT FALL IN LOVE EASILY. So wheneva other acquintances who told me that after seein/hearin things on the surface, i'll usually ask them to eat shit and die. Ok, maybe not. But not as though they understand me at all..

As for 吴小姐, she's an important friend of 8 years.
But apparently we were busy in our life..

Feelins play a major role for me. In fact, it is all that counts. Its not like all my ex gfs were drop dead gorgeous. They're just like everyone else. Min was plump, Inin looked sweeet though, 3rd bagged with makeup, and Rena like a school girl, with class. I even had a crush on someone years older, who is short and plump, an ex-colleague. Just tryin to prove my point..

Maybe some people will start tellin me,
"Don't think too much, wait till it comes!"

But so what? Imagine the day when feelins really strike. Do i even have the confidence again? Will she be the right person? Will we last?

Or, will she even love me..?

Jewel - Foolish Games


A song to end this emo post.

You took your coat off and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that
I watched from my window
Always felt I was outside looking in on you
You were always the mysterious one with dark eyes and careless hair
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather
Well in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see
This is my heart bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees
These foolish games are tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
You were always brilliant in morning
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee
You philosophies on art, Baroque moved you
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar
Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself
These foolish games are tearing me apart
You're tearing me, tearing me, tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
You took off your coat and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that

Ciao.