Saturday, March 04, 2006

It was a sleepless night.

Too much stuff on my mind. I just laid there for hours and hours, endless thoughts going through uncontrollably. It was miserable. 4am I went to bed. 7am I watched the sun rose. I went for a stroll. 9am mom woke up. I bought breakfast. 11am I am blogging. I didn�t catch a wink at all.

I wasn�t online the whole day on Thursday. After the prata session that night, I received a sms. In my heart I was smiling. The cab uncle saw me jumped in joy. A simple take care sleep well and hugs, that was enough to drive me mad. I bet she was thinking of me, at least for that very minute. However, it might not mean anything too.

I really missed her you know? It was my turn yesterday not seeing her online. And I felt like shit. I took a nap after my usual morning gym with Samuel and apparently slept the whole day through. No plans made, my Friday was boring. Whenever I came near my comp I will click on msn, but she�s not around still. She must be busy outside, that was my thought. And yea, this was how I spent my yesterday.

I am not hesitant to admit my real feelings for her. I am not worried about the process of going after her. I am not afraid of the aftermath if I ever get rejected. But I am scared if she ever goner be with me, I might make her suffer. I am so scared that if she is goner be with someone else, she might get hurt again. I can�t bear to see her in pain again. It will hurt me like hell.

Perhaps I think too much.

Later goner be the usual Saturday mahjong session with mom, bro and sis in law. Lets hope I can concentrate on the game. Its not fun losing so much in a small small game.

She is correct. I can sms her whenever I think of her. It is silly of me to restraint myself from smsing. But maybe I just don�t wish to flood her with my messages. I miss her every minute every day.


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