Saturday, July 12, 2008
After min, quiet i became, no longer laughin or crackin silly jokes. Great pals turned friends, and friends turned strangers. How many have i lost then, i couldn't figure. Smilin was all i did, other than maple, helbreath & pristontale. Silly of me to dig my life into mmorpgs, but ironically that was my only way out. Fat i grew, hagged i became, nobody seem to recognise me anymore. And i caught my mom sobbed silently..
I knew life was just wastin away, but 'who cares' was what i thought. Nobody was able to influence me, not even my beloved mommy. Her tears caused heartaches, but i really couldn't help it. God knew who could have really helped me. And ya, he really did send me an angel. In disguise, perhaps..
Randomly i was fixin my friendster, showin no pics of myself except my precious baby photos. Oh, did i mention i burnt away my sec sch, poly, and all other photos linked to min? Baby pics was what i have left, and preciously kept till today. I really regretted the burnin. I could be laughin at the photos today. Maybe i could..
14th feb valentines, contradictin day as emo was always exceptionally high durin such festives. Funny though, someone sent me a friendster msg. "Ahh, ur baby pics are cute.. =)". Out of the blue, a jolt struck. Her name is inin.
By mid march, we were already over with the phone phase. I never knew things will go this way. I thought my heart was already dead. But hey, she showed me it was still beatin away. Her philosophy on love was always so dreamy. So simple, yet so desirable and sweet. We shared alot in common, from interests to daily routines. She even had her own tragedy..
We finally met on march end. In the beginning we simply wanted to stay as online friends, but i guess curiousity beat us both. We were both dyin to know more. We were both wonderin if..
The 1st movie we had, 见鬼. To be honest, i detest ghost shows. Why spend money to scare yourself? But that day i had no complaints. I was lookin at her throughout the 2 hours. Easily embarrassed, her shyness left quite a deep impression. She was the 1st i shared my tragedy with, and she cared alot for me. She never foresaw she could really take over that place in my heart. We both didn't saw it comin..
7 straight days we met, both wantin to get each other out. She's a msian, older by a year, and i'm her only friend except a few others and her sister who was married to sg. To me, she was then my one and only soulmate. We shared no secrets. Everyday was paradise. I told/ask myself, she's really the one..?
On the 7th day, we watched 'The Passion of Christ'. None of us could really appreciate, no offence, since we arent believers. Had free tix from her sis's company, so, just an excuse to meet up again. In that show i was lookin at her again, this time she reacted shyly in a darin manner. She held my hands..
That was really one of the best thing that had ever happened to me in my whole life. Everyday became valentines. No words can really describe how happy we both were. After such a long tirin journey, we were really glad and worshipped fate. She was the 2nd soul i'll heart till death..
Dont let ur minds wander, she's still alive. If she wasn't, doubt i'll be here. But things still happen. One day while shoppin for couple tees, she asked if she could get a bday gift for her ex. We both knew we won't mind. I even picked a nice green tee for her. That weekend she left for msia..
She changed. Her eyes grew listless. Her affection waivered. She used to stare into my eye and smiled like candy. But all i could saw after that weekend was confusion. Confronted her and all she told me was 'dont worry'..
Her trips to msia frequented. She didn't make up any excuses, she went to look for him. Each time when she's back, the confusion deepened. Yet i couldn't make her stop. I wouldn't. We truthfully respected each other. That is what we had built upon our r.s. Yet, i demanded answers. My heart grew wearily thin. It cracked, after all the effort she put to glued the million pieces back again..
After 6 months of sweetness, we spent 2 draggin. In the end she confessed. She loved me. Though she loved him more. I could understand. Afterall, i was indirectly the 3rd guy. She loved him for 8 years, broke up and met me a year later. But i really dont wish to let her go..
I did, in the end. Couldn't afford to play the game anymore. That fateful night at the woodlands checkpoint bus-stop, we cried and hugged like mad. So many buses went past and i'm sure they were all wonderin whats with these 2 idiots. Idiots in love, i guess..
We still met up after the breakup, daily in fact. It was a habit, and we simply felt uneasy not to. Still holdin hands, still kissin goodbyes, still mornin calls, still waitin under her block and walk her to work every mornin 6am. Only till things loosened abit, we started to feel the rift, and the tide died down..
I couldn't rem the date we last met..