午时，吴小姐说了一句话。
"aiyo...u chg gf like chg underwear lor"
原来，这是别人一直给我的评价..

连多年朋友都如此认为，我何话可说？
怪，只怪自己不爱让别人了解过去。
恨，只恨自己只把回忆藏在这里..

在此澄清，
一生中只恋爱过三次的我，
并不容易爱上一个人啊..

今天，我的心，真的冷了。

Cathy Nguyen.

Chance upon her vid in youtube, and god knows how much i love to hear her sing! Scanned through every single singin vids of hers, none failed to impress me. Furthermore, she sang my favorite song..



Sweeet girls who play and sing like her doesn't exist in my life anymore. The guitar, the songs, the voice. You bet if anyone is ever gonna sing to me like that again, i vow to god i'll love her my whole life..

And Min was the only person in my life,
Ever to strum her guitar and sing to me,
All in the name of love..

Love is really one of the most difficult subject to score in life. In fact, seein how passin rate hits record low with each newer generation, it scares me sometimes. As usual, many are only good in theories, but when it comes to practical, nobody make it. Worse still, its pair work..

Anyway, if you guys are wonderin, i'm fine.

I love the song on my blog. Shared with me by Carlsson, she was bein really sweeet, her bf is really such a lucky chap! Fio too, a simple carin sms touched my heart, not forgettin the time she brought her bf and colleagues to my cafe for support. Last but not least, Jeannie, someone willin to sms me from overseas, when we didn't even set our eyes on each other before. Really wonderful friend..

Let me share the lyrics:

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remaind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: X2]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Ciao.

She just initiated the break up..

Is it good or bad..

Do dreams come true?

I dream alot at night. Sometimes they can be so real, i'll wake up in tears, smiles or sweat. A few of them occur in real life, when i can suddenly recall this exact scene happenin somewhere else, deja vu. The rest are usually so vague i won't remember the very next mornin..

Recently i had one i wish it'll really come true.

Other than catchin up with old friends whom have gone missin, i met 2 person i really wanted to see. One was Rachael, someone i have known for years, but never had the chance of meetin in person. We chatted and laughed so much, somethin we never did in real life..

And Jeannie too.

Dreamt that she came all the way to Singapore, just to visit me from her school holidays in China! Seriously, i was really touched (in the dream) and was so happy bout it. We went Sentosa and ECP, did lotsa shoppin, had lotsa food. It was a really sweet dream, but i didn't dare to tell her bout it..

I'm so shy, bet she'll literally LOL.

Dreamt of 'her' too. She seemed so much older, came fetchin me with her car. Some ppl say dream is a reflection of what our heart yearns for. But her takin care of me, financially? Is this what i really want..?

Over my dead body.

Am startin to feel the drift between us. Though it has only been a few days, there was no honeymoon. Every call and meetin up feels so stressful. Really feel like givin up already..

We simply aren't suitable for each other.

Am pickin up work steadily nowadays. Won't be long before i go full fledge on the business, hopin to see results asap. Always happy to see the quotations and orders comin in. Finally findin back my mood, its bout time..

Before i go, let me share a vid as usual.

陳偉聯-I Love You


Really applause for his bravery. Without a pair of proper eyes, he dares to step out into gray areas, where other blind people couldn't. Many others would have been so much more depressed..

No, i'm not sympathisin with him.
Most normal people don't even have the balls.
I truly admire people with determination and backbone.

May all of us find our own reasons of bein happy, our own meanins in life, and our own source of warmth in this chillin world.

Ciao.

Love was never easy.

The differences between 2 person can usually determine the outcome right at the start of any relationships. They are the main killers, as it takes more than just 'Love' to overcome any missin links in between. Compromisin is a nicer word of sayin 'i give in' after series of debates, and the relationship shall go on as long one side is still willin..

Nowadays, i am havin problems even with food.

Just imagine, a guy like me who doesn't even own credit cards and am so satisfied with just a $3 bowl of nice bak-cho-mee, is datin a girl who has nothin but branded items and is used to dinin exquisite meals all the time, each easily sum up to $150 per person?

Needless to compare our spendin habits.

I HATE spendin other ppl's money, been pretty much on my own since young. So, its either i splash all my savings on our dates, or she's willin to sacrifice her taste buds at really cheap places..

Friends told me she should care and understand my situation, its not a big deal eatin at Swensons or even Sushi Tei. But i can understand, if i am to be brought up like her with all the best things in life since young, i may end up pretty the same. I really don't want her to suffer with me..

Why can't i just earn more?
Why can't i have lesser troubles?
Why can't i lead a better life..

Anntonii recently showed me a really nice song.
Same singer of the song <100种生活> i posted before.
Ought to share with you peeps.

盧廣仲 - 寂寞考


Really nerdy looks.
But the songs he wrote, fabulous.
Shall listen to them till i fall asleep tonight.

Ciao.

My life is a drama?

True. Past showed nothin but hardships and sorrow. My closer pals, they know. Unlike some who were born with a silver spoon, i had a hard time earnin mine. Perhaps i'll take a little time elaboratin my story..

To put it simple, my father didn't care bout the family. Not a single cent he gave since i was in primary. So poor mommy worked so hard for 10 odd years, just to raise me up. She had sacrifised so much for me, i really love her to bits, and i think i really suck..

Till today i'm still unable to give my mom a better life.

I have to work part time durin school days. Pocket money for Primary school was 50cents and Secondary was 2bucks, hardly enough to save for any leisure. Thus, nothin was bought when young. Poly was 10bucks, and that included 3 meals a day. Money earned from work went to school stuff and personal leisure. I don't even have my own clothes, always have to wear my bro's. Ever remembered my hongkong trip with polymates durin year 2. I didn't want to go at all, can't afford, but friend's dad sponsored everythin. Till today i am still so grateful..

Oh ya, not forgettin bro too. 7 years older, he got into serious trouble 2 years ago. So deep into debts, all he did was borrowin from the family. That includes my auntie and his then gf. He also transferred mom's hard earned savings into his own. I even took a loan. Yet the only thing he blamed on was his luck..

Till today, he's still no better.

With a father who doesn't care bout the family, rather splurge all his cash into the fallin stock market and once claimed he'll bring his money into his grave, and a brother who dragged everyone close into trouble, always blamin his luck but never strivin hard enough, whose debts will never be cleared at this rate, i realised how stressful my future is..

Ever told my mom, if i am to fail in life, takin back only a miserable 3k per month, i won't get married. Rather have a quality life with my mom supportin just the 2 of us, than worryin bout money for house, car, wife, kids, studies, insurance, wadeva..

Rather suffer alone.

Though the cafe was closed down due to legal issues with my leasor, my partner and i made a lost of bout 35grand still. We didn't bring the old couple to court due to the fact they possess no valuable assets. Even if we win the case, should they go bankrupt, we'll even have to fork out our own legal fees. Not advisable at all..

Agreed to help my partner out with his packagin biz. He did ask me before we even started the cafe, but i insisted on openin first. So i am really guilty of the failed venture, draggin him down with me. But even though he trusted me, i still lack the drive. I know i can take a really huge step out by growin and nurturin his company, and that will bring him lotsa profits, considered me repayin him for all the care and help he had showered me with. But still..

I ought to be slapped awake.

Shall share 2 piano vids that i really like.
Both originally from S.E.N.S.
But i really enjoy this lady playin as well.





She's really good.
Full of feelins.
fy48k.

Ciao.

How time flies?

It was as though yesterday that she was still loud and sporty with black hair. But now? Hair full of white, she walks with clutches. Yes, exactly 60 years older than me, my only grand parent left in this world..

It was grandma's bday days back.

I am actually totally disgusted with relatives from my father's side. Back stabbin, ill mouthin, even fought between siblings for my passed away gramps' money. I guess it shows, the way my father is, so does his family. But i still heart my grandma lotsa?

She's such a poor soul, you know?
Puttin myself in her shoe, seein my children behaved like that,
I would have cried to my death..

We had a little celebration, just my family and her. Took her to a little restaurant, had her favorite food. My father was reluctant to order sharkfin for her though, it cost 80bucks, but mom called for it nonetheless. Yup, as usual, my mom was made to foot half the bill because of that..

That got me wonderin, if grandma is my mommy's mom, or his?

Even funnier, my bro talked alot that night. He whispered to me sayin "Oh man, father is makin mom pay again". But deep within i thought, isn't him the same? Shall not comment much bout how he treats his wife and our mom..

Such a funny family i have.

Regardin 'someone' i mentioned in my previous post, she explained. The 'bf' was just a ruse to trigger me, for i was the undecidin party who can't make up my bloody mind. She loves me, she said. Yet now, i am still very undecided. We have just too much differences..

But it will be a fairytale, should it come true.

Here i shall introduce a favorite song of mine.
From Utada Hikaru.
Final Distance.


We can start sooner,
Yapari (i knew it, in the end),
I wannt be with you..

Perhaps, it sang my heart..

Slept only 4 hours last night.
Brain is almost dead.
Shall catch my wink.

Ciao.

How absurd can things be?

Just a night ago, someone claimed her love for me.
Lesser than 12 hours later, she had another he.
So much for a future called 'we'..

Recalled there's this song.
I find it nice.
Sang my heart.


So what exactly happened? Happened that i was havin a silly dream? A dream that got me wonderin? Wonderin if there is really a future? A future that consists of 2 person from 2 totally different world?

But ya, nothin matters now.
Back to the same old me.
For i have awaken.

Ciao.

If Fate is an entity, she's really impish.

A personal definition of Fate is, it bein the chance of things to happen. Whether we grasp the moment or let it go, its another story. While things can be as shitty as the headline and its article, Fate really brings pleasant surprises too..

Like how i met my 1st twin friends?

I have no idea what i have done to deserve.
2 absolutely sweet & lovely ladies.
Their existence alone bring warmth.
Needless to explain more.

If there's ever this day i can walk alongside, you bet the guys are gonna hate me for life ahaha.

Enough of walkin in this chillin world.
Let me show somethin that will bring a smile for the day.


Presto!

A short clip by Pixar, bein shown before the movie Wall-E. And yaa, you bet Wall-E is so much better. A really cute approach to romance too. Saw it in bangkok, and i don't mind catchin once more. I mean, if 10 bucks can buy a joyous 100mins of life, why not? *winks*

The fact i'm awake now typin away is really disbelievin. A moment ago i was still noddin away, after a tirin sat swim and late lunch. Partly thanks to the smses i guess. And not forgettin, the msn chats =]

Have a big Q for you all.

Does status differences strike fear in you? For example, crushin on a sweeet little daughter of 1 of the richest men on the island. You will realise, unless miracles do occur, but for a mere peasant to become a duke? At most i can work real hard and provide a comfortable life at best. But to attain riches like her father?

It is not impossible.
Yet it is not assured.
Furthermore, yaa, it takes 2 hands to clap.
Maybe i'm just someone else in her heart..

But, well, just a crush.
I've already been so teared apart.
I need love, not fun.
See how things go..

Anyway, a song to wrap things up.


Mika Nakashima. I love her vocals.
There were other better songs, but let me show this 1st.

Until next time, yaa?

Ciao.

I truly apologise..

To both my beloved friend,
To their families,
To all my secondary schoolmates..

I have absolutely no idea how this place was found. The fact my words were bein made used irks me. Thoughts from my heart turned headlines, it hurts..

I sincerely pray the authors will stop.
Allow my friends to go in peace.
Let us all tide through this tough time.
I'll pray for their good deeds..

I mean, com'on, just put yourself in our shoes..

Tomorrow will be a difficult day.
Sendin a friend off on her journey.
I'll miss..