You...

You've been hurt.
You've given chances.
You've been hurt again.
You wonder if breaking up is right.
You wonder how is she doing.
You miss her so much.

You're such a silly fool...

Six Months Passed..

Can't help but looking back with regrets. All the memories, all the happiness, all the smiles on her face, all nothing but the past. The only pieces that linger now are uncertainties and heartaches..

One hundred and seventy three days of love.
Vanished overnight.
Is this real..?

What exactly happened..?

.
.
.

Our 6th Month tonight, spent silently. No hugs, no kisses, no smiles no laughter no shy moments. Watching her studying on webcam, many thoughts filled my mind. Will we really be alright..?

It's funny how feelings fade too easily.
We were such a loving couple.
Now, just like 普通朋友..



I love her.
So much that it hurts.
So much that I'm ready to let her go..

以前的慧丽..
如果可以..
就让我再见你..

我只想爱你.....

It's always depressing, regardless of friend or stranger, knowing that someone has cancer, and is in critical stages. What's worse, than hearing she is extremely depressed, looking so different from her old beautiful self, and had already given up all hopes? It is merciless, that fate always has to make its cruel choice, and that both me and you are only being fortunate this time round.

My colleague's niece.
I pray for her..

起初并没想那么多.
但后来, 却发现.
我真的爱上了,

【下一站，幸福】

愛情印象版


法庭的捍衛


小樂的床邊故事


米修米修~


以及, 好听的歌..


Ciao.

This Valentines..

..marked one and a half years of freedom, enlightenment, and solitude. Eighteen months before, I was packing my luggage and moving out of her place. Blamed no one but myself for yet another meaningless encounter. Adding on to the score of being cheated once more.

But this isn't about her.

I grieved at the fact that, why must love be so complicated? Loving someone, doing little movements that will delight her, offering exquisite gifts that show my sincerity, providing all the attention and care, to be with her, and it still isn't enough?

Quarrels will still occur. Disagreements. And after three years, one year, or six months, she'll simply say things ain't working out, which is another way of saying she had met someone better. In my last case, richer. Bye.

I dread such encounters. I don't wish to go through the same routine time and time again. Either let me meet someone who can love me for who I really am, or just leave me alone!

My emotion soared to a new height moments ago. It dawned on me that CNY and Vday occurring together is like a practical joke. Cold family. Crap love life. Double the dosage..

Either way, it's still a new year. Days still pass on, and I still have my aims to conquer, goals to meet, hard work to do. It sure feels good dumping all my excessive emotion right here. No worries, I'll be smiling tomorrow once more.

Happy 虎 Year!


Someone made me really pissed the other day too.
It should be the first time she saw.
Must have made her panicked..

Ciao.

Childhood..

This word has no actual significance to me. By the time memories begun to retain themselves, all I remembered were anguish moments and disappointments. Perhaps that's when appalling images of him started accumulating..

Before I even enrolled into primary school, I remember him waking me up early in the morning daily, like eight o'clock, just to buy breakfast and newspaper. The funny thing is, when the papers are sold out, or the food he preferred for that day ain't sold, I will get scolding. For what reason he gave, I really couldn't recall anymore..

I walked home alone from school since I'm seven. The cold empty house awaited me each time. Mother was out working hard for my living, seven years older brother was in school or out with friends, and him outside somewhere. Being home alone was nothing to me, gradually. Settling meals myself became a piece of cake..

Whenever I listened to aunties describing how they pampered their kids, I smiled. Not a sense of envy or jealousy. Just wondering how life could have been, if the person who is supposed to be important in my life, can be much better. If only he played his part in his responsibilities, forked out money for the family, put me to school and gave me food..

If only he could at least act like a Father.

Recently he gave my mom problems again. Endless whining, always criticizing. Sometimes I really wondered how mommy has been able to put up all these years. How would life been today, if she really went on with the divorce back then?

Nowadays I see myself more like a Virgo than Cancerian. I'd became quite a perfectionist, working really hard for the best of everything. For instance, I have been carrying weights and jogging regularly, wanting to be slim and fit once again. It just struck me one day, that I can have all the big bellies I want when I'm over fifty. Not now. Not twenties..

Now, I just wanna be the fittest, richest, most attractive, most fun, most devoted boyfriend, husband, father, and son, I can ever be.

Show you a glimpse of me recently.


Lastly, here's a little nice video to share.


Happy New Year of the Tiger folks.
Will be a great year for Pigs.
May I 扮猪吃老虎..

Ciao.

Inspirational People..

..are those who can influence your mindset, alter your values, and transform your life, all by showing themselves as the best examples. For me to make it till this day, I owe to a certain few. And therefore I shall dedicate this post to those heroes of my life.

Chia Sheng Ray.

He may not know, but without meeting him again on our reservist three years back, I may very well still be the old childish fool. He had taught me so much about life, I find it impossible to pen it down here without writing a long post. Utmost care about his friends, selfless kindness to needy people, tireless help to all who needs him around. He's like the ultimate good guy, yet fun loving, yet extremely knowledgeable, yet awfully capable and has a good prospect. Off the record, he has a tattoo and is good looking too.

Though we may not be the closest of buddies, with a totally different class of thoughts, I still treat him as my best friend. For he had treated me like no other people had. Therefore, should there be any day when he needs me, I will be there. 这就是义气.

Uncle Anthony.

Since young I had looked upon him as the best father one could have. Unconditional love for his family, he is also one of the most loving husband I had seen. Not only that, his sheer hard work over the years which earned him his place today, and his values, inspired me greatly. Though sadly I may not be his favorite nephew, nor are we really on talking terms, but deep inside he had already affixed an image in me so vividly, that I am working hard just to be like him; the ultimate good family man.

and Mommy..

Her sacrifices for me over the years, meant everything. Slogging through hard work day to night, just to earn enough to feed and put me through school. I am so extremely ashamed of myself for not maturing earlier and to ease her sufferings, and it has been one of my greatest regret ever since. Therefore, giving her the best deserved second half of her life, is my utmost essential goal. Even if it's at the cost of my own happiness..

Perhaps too, due to my father's lack of responsibility towards his own family, that he didn't spend a single cent on us for almost 20 years, that he is the worst man and father I'd ever known around me, that it contrastingly makes me wanna be a way better person than he is.

Here's an inspirational movie.
From some years back.
A true life story.


"Don't ever let somebody tell you you can't do something. You got a dream, you got to protect it. People can't do something themselves, they want to tell you you can't do it. You want something, go get it. Period."

Ciao.

You need to, or you want to?

Most in our society couldn't differentiate the above anymore. Born to an average family, brainwashed with education and the great corporate lie, one hardly realise what he/she is trying to achieve. Money, the sole culprit, pushing everyone everyday, wasting years and years of youth away. And the saddest fact, none of us can live without it.

Ever thought about dreams? Like the little question our teachers used to ask; what do we wanna be when we grow up? Many years later, I simply didn't see any of my friends achieving it. Neither had I. But as we mature, new dreams appear. Are we gonna let them slip away too?

My new dream is simple. Day by day, I am achieving it bit by bit. My first milestone will be to have my own home. By then, I should have the established financial means of giving my mom happiness. I could have closets full of shirts and blazers and great fashion. I would be having a life full of the sun, wine, and healthy sports.

And when it all happen, when I'm looking smart and capable enough to take on the whole world, I pray, that I'll have a lovely lady to share my everything with, till the end..

Lovely true story.
A great show to catch.
I had goosebumps watching it..


By the way, you'll most probably laugh.
My ambition when I was young.
Was to be the President.

Ciao.

The Institute of Banking & Finance
CMFAS Examination, Module 6
Securities Products and Analysis

Result : PASS

Am quite proud of myself for scoring on my first try. Heard much rumors that the notorious has a 80% failure rate, and I'd only mugged for 3 weeks. Must be my lucky day.

Finally endured through both Module 1A and Module 6. Time to dump my resumes at brokerage houses again, praying I'll have more replies. Stock brokerage today isn't a fraction of how glamorous or highly remunerated it used to be, thanks to internet trading. Nevertheless, I am still brimmed with enthusiasm!

Gonna love the exposure.

某某人问我: "日常生活的你, 明明都是说说笑笑. 为何在网上总是那么悲?"

听了后, 我笑了..

不失徐州, 何得蜀国?

Losing something precious, is part of life. While it is understandable to grieve, it may be a hidden blessing in disguise. I lost many years of my youth, childish with drinking and playing a fool. Now, after a big roundabout, here I am, embarking on a new journey. Stock brokerage, a turning point of my life.

Breaking up with her more than a year ago, is not a bad thing too. Learning to be alone, learning to stand up on my own. I am so much stronger today. It's all her credit.

So, to lose, is always to gain something better in return.

I'm not concerned about those highly educated, high positioned people about my age. While many are walking faster and ahead of me right now, what matter most, is me reaching my destination at the end. Who knows, we may catch up someday?

What is solely important, is me living the life I always wanted.

PS: Friend asked me to join him in dragon boat every Sunday, am considering..

Ciao.

Do you know that..

1. I have fed enough strays to know that kitties actually prefer cheese over milk? Recalled a little experiment i did years back, placing a saucer of HL milk, a piece of wholemeal bread, and cheese. The kitty and kid gobbled up the whole cheese and starred at me. Now i know why Tom always chases after Jerry..

2. I remember writing my first love letter when i was secondary one. She was the first person i glued my eyes to. Long hair, sweet looking, sporty girl. Perhaps i was so in love, i actually walked her home one fine day, staying ten meters behind. I stuffed the little hand written letter into her mail box..

The very next day, as i stepped in the classroom, all eyes were upon me. Apparently, she found the letter really amusing, and decided to share the joy with everyone else. That day onwards, i drunk myself with basketball every single day. I have never wrote a second love letter ever since.

3. I was fourteen when i first clubbed, at 484. And remember that whole stretch of Boat Quay, which were once full of Oriental, Lighthouse, Tapz, Espresso? I recall once i was near Mambo No.5 in the back alley, and saw this group of 'ang mohs' chasing after a chinese teen. Not a few moments later, the 'ang mohs' came running back. A whole horde of guys were behind, chasing with glass bottles. Those were the days..

4. I had my first kiss when she was fifteen. There we were, cuddling in the cold movie theater, laughing and playing with each other, when she suddenly gave me this very deep kiss on my lips. I was stunned. I fell in love..

Years later, i match-made her with an army friend of mine. Things didn't turn out well. I promised to match-make her with another friend of mine these days. Fingers crossed. May she find true happiness.

5. My most embarrassing drunk moment, was during my poly mate's eighteenth birthday. Her then boyfriend booked the whole of Zouk Phuture with free flow of Coronas. There we were all happily drinking and playing, then out of a sudden..

I puked across the table.

6. My first broken heart was when,
一个男孩 爱上一个爱上别人的女孩.
她, 哭到我的心都痛..

7. Army made me fat? After the vigorous training during BMT, the PES-A extremely fit me was posted to a technical school. There, other than learning the repair works of a tank, we eat. After graduating from school and posted to a service unit, i was made the official Operation Specialist. In simple terms, i was only under three person, namely my OC, 2IC, and CSM. The rest of the hundred over specialists and men, were under me. My job scope? Other than doing all the simple plannings for the company, I eat..

8. I have a weak spot for talented girls. She can just write me a song, or play a piano piece, or draw really cute pictures. I'll be smitten..

But i have a softer spot for girls who are physically challenged. Like the deaf girl i knew. She left us all.

9. I have very high sex drive since i was a kid. The culprit was my seven years older brother, whom i shared the same computer with until i was in poly. Shall not elaborate further..

10. I am in love with no one right now..

Here's something to lighten up the evening.


FROG you all! :P

Ciao.