Decisions were never easy i believe..

Was at buddy's mom's pub last night to chill out. Had a great laugh crappin with the guys. While the drinks were rushin down my throat, my mind was spinnin. Aren't drunk, just going through a load of things. Had a quiet peaceful stroll alone near my place before headin home. Finally, my mind had settled..

First of all, i'm sorry for decidin without her consent. Told Ir we are just goner be friends. We kinda lack the spark that will blaze us right to the max. Yes, there were happy moments, but somethin is missin. Can't really describe what, just a feelin, somethin isn't right. To be frank, i'm not sure if i'm suitable for her, but she definitely won't feel happy with me. I'm not the kind of guy who can make her laugh and smile, like her bees. Am tired of hearin the word 'tryin', am not interested at all. Naive i might be, but please let my next flame be someone i can really settle down with for the rest of our lives..

Secondly, i'm givin up. J has her boy in her mind, i'm nowhere near. Yes, feelins for her won't just get blown away by the breeze, i'm still concern and worried in any ways i should be. But i'm pretty sure she'll be fine, she's goner have a happy life. Let me be the good friend she can have, with all the usual care and concern she's obliged to receive. I'll pray she'll be smilin forever..

So, conclusion, i still prefer being single!
Hahaha..

Who knows, there might be another 'the one' whom i seek out there somewhere.

Someone whom i can click emotionally..
Someone whom will be happy with me for eternity..

Ciao.

Just bought a CYMA watch worth SGD800 bucks days back. 20% discount so its SGD640. Call me crazy if you want but i love it. Bought lotsa clothes too. My next target: shoes and bags.

爱人还是被爱?

This question has been lingering on my mind for a very long time. Its kinda like asking if the world have chicken or egg first. Every dear friend i asked gave me no definite answers. Follow your heart, wait for her, try it out, believe in fate, bla bla bla bla bla. Someone even have the cheek to tell me to wait for her, while try it out with someone else..

Bro, wtf? lol -.-"

Remember some previous posts ago i mentioned bout rejecting my dear friend P and hurted her alot? Well things have been back to normal nowadays and we're still good friends. But she's still having her problems and there's nothing much i can do for her other than giving her all the support she needs..

I have a close friend, Ir, whose ex-bf was my ex-buddy. She caught him having other girls outside, and one day finally she couldn't take things anymore, she broke up with him. And because he's such a bastard, i can't believe we used to be good buddies. End up losing contact with him for years. So now Ir and i became good friends instead. The problem now, i think she's in love with me..

She's a very sweet person, always able to make her own decisions, a very dependable person. She's very serious with work, very capable. In fact she's someone i really admire and respect. She's like honey too, always ALWAYS attracting lotsa bees. In fact any guy who come across her in their life will usually fall in love with her should they be in contact often. Do not ask me why, that is the way how things are going..

One day she simply asked if i like her or not. She hinted she wanted to try it out with me. I was really very shocked. She loves chatting with me on the phone, thats what she claimed. Saying i'm a nice guy, but i know i really am not. She's the one who came to my place and brought me to the doc when i was sick weeks ago. I was really touched by her care that time. Nowadays i'm starting to get jealous of her bees. This have never ever happened before..

The girl on my mind, J, we haven been on good terms nowadays. I did something stupid, and kinda regretted. Its almost impossible for us to be together, yes i know. But somehow i just love her, wanna see her happy, and just feel like waiting for the impossible. I know i'm wasting time, yet..

So now. That question. I need an answer..

Or maybe i should just wait for someone i will like to show up again..

Ciao.

有人问我:

追着梦想而痛苦..
还是学着放弃而活得没意义..
哪一条路比较正确..

其实..
并不是选择哪一条路正确..
而是选择哪一条路.. 你才不会后悔..

这就是我的答案..

你的眼泪让我清醒..

我不再犹豫..

爱上了你别无选择..

我的心已定..

就算一辈子不能站在一起..

我也决定在你背后关心..

就算要我永远当你的影子..

看你幸福..看你快乐..我也愿意..

以我自己的方式保护着你..

谁说爱一个人一定要在一起..

你的笑容就是给予我最好的回忆..

My silly partner forced me to do this silly thing during work..

Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head, without reading the questions below.

1. HuiXin
2. Jean Liew
3. Chiew Keng
4. Dan
5. Bryan
6. JingRhui
7. James
8. Michael
9. Pris
10. Jean Lum
11. Jason
12. Nura
13. WeeWee
14. Moneca
15. Bivi
16. LiLian
17. Jagjit
18. Kenny
19. JunMin
20. Winnie

How did you meet no.14?
First met her during my interview. Well, apparently she is my BOSS!

What would you do if you never met no.1?
I'll live a better life =D

What would you do if no.20 and no.9 dated?
Wow... that will be entertaining...

Did you ever like no.19?
Yeah why not, she's a cute funny friend LOL

Would no.6 and no.17 make a good couple?
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Describe no.3.
Fun loving, Out going, LOVE KTV!!!

Do you think no.8 is attractive?
Over my dead body.....

Tell me something about No. 7.
He was someone i used to hate most......during BMT.... he's a PTI

Do you know any of 12's family?
Nope, but they should be as nice as her! =D

What is no.8's favorite?
Girls......... what else........LOL

What language does no.15 speak?
English and Malay

Who is no.9 going out with?
Always seen with LiLian, and maybe her bf? keke

How old is no.16 now? Hahahaha thats easy 23 same as me!!

When was the last time you talked to no.13?
Awhile ago lor, when she bought me tea =D

Who's no.2's favorite band/singer?
She love the song "我可以忍受"

Would you date no.4?
Why not? my good brother leh keke

Would you date no.7? Hahahahaha.. for bball match maybe.. and definitely supper too.. but we are both GUYS

Is No 15 single?
Married with kids

What's no. 10's last name?
Jean Lum's last name..... Lum lor!

Would you ever be in a serious relationship with no.18?
Unless i turn gay.... which wont happen in a million years

Which school does no.3 go to?
Used to be Ngee Ann Poly.. now not studying liao lor

What's your favorite thing about no.5?
He will be there when his friends need him

Have you seen no.1 naked?
HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haven't been postin.. As usual..

So what have been happenin nowadays? Went MoMo twice. A few mahjong session. Lotsa supper. But no KTV!! Thats bout it i guess..

Oh ya forgot to mention, went ICA to make my passport recently. Going Genting this coming weekend and most prob Bangkok too next october. Wantin to go Taiwan end of year, but it has been lotsa talk but no plans. Sad..

Work's fine too. In fact i'm bloggin in my office again. Some of my colleagues have left though. "People wont cherish till they lose" - this phrase is so true. Its a kind of fate that we became colleagues in the 1st place. I'll miss them lotsa..

I'm starting to take photos again. No longer the person who shun cameras or video recorders at 1st sight. No longer the person who once burnt all his photos from sec school onwards. I'm changing. Is it good news..or bad?

Some people mentioned i keep referrin back to my old past, and its not good. They say i keep lingerin on to my sad memories and couldn't move on. But is that true? I admit i was affected, but who won't? I'm no longer broodin over the incidents since a very long time ago. In fact i didn't regret over anything. Like what JingWen's msn nick says, people only learn from what they have been through (something similar)..

But i realised i really have no confidence for love. My heart was put to test again recently, but i couldn't make a decision. My heart waivered, but i hesistated. Maybe its not love in the 1st place. Maybe its the way i care. Maybe.. Maybe..

But there have been someone in my mind all along. Someone too blur to realise. I really care for her, i guess. Because when she's sick i'm worried. Because when she's sad i'm sad. Because when she's happy i'm smiling. Because when she's not around i'll frown. So am i really in love?

Even if i really am..

It'll be just 1 sided..

Ciao.

Haven't been in the pink of health recently..

Especially after the recent Sentosa trip. Did night shift the day before, went to the beach straight and had a whole day of fun. If you think i'm crazy, i went for night shift straight after dinner again! Woohoo imagine 48 hours straight without sleep, and a whole day of sweatin and tannin. I was like coolin down my red hot skin in the aircon office the whole night, dozin off every now and then..

Flu and fever came soon after. As i'm typin right now, i'm coughin in my office still. Last night was pretty miserable, tossed and turned in my bed, feverish and throat itchin the whole night. Didn't sleep well at all..

Took doc's med before i came to work, who knows i'm allergic to the stupid runny nose tablets, and my face swell like a pighead! My eyes became blood shot (as usual) and my face was like so hideous. Apparently i'm scarin everyone @ StarHub Haw Par, i seriously hope they won't recognise who i am..

Hate to be sick. Especially without someone by my side. Hope i'll get well soon, so the activities will come soon again..

I wanna go 4 ma lu pray pray..
Have been down on happiness and luck..

Ciao.

I hurted someone real bad recently..

P, she's been a very special friend of mine for 6 years. Seein her grow up from a sec school little girl to a mature and pretty undergrad, its a kind of fate that brings us together in the first place. She's kind caring and understanding, the kind of sweet girl who deserves a really nice guy. Not me..

Perhaps i treasure our friendship more than anything else, i broke her heart. We really had a great time together, but i simply couldn't commit. The feelin just isn't right. I have made things clear, and hopefully we'll both stop bein so confused anymore..

There's this girl on my mind..

J, though she aren't the exact reason why i didn't accept my friend, but i have fallen deep for this girl. She didn't really gave me a very good 1st impression, but funny how i find out she's actually the one i seek. We just seem to click emotionally, sharin the same kind of feelin towards things. I can feel it whenever she's down or sad, even if she puts on a smile for disguise..

She's in love with her boy.. Though the guy didn't treat her good, she's still so nice towards him, always givin in.. But i'm very sure there'll be a point when she couldn't take it anymore and burst.. I'm not expectin anything.. But when that day comes.. I wish i have the means to look over her and take care of her.. Dote on her the way she have always yearn for.. Even as a friend..

Seein her happy is enough for me.. I guess..

Ciao.

Went to The Picturehouse today!

Met up with Phyllis after work, had a stroll around and shared some hotdog and nachos before we headed for 龙虎门..

Other than a typical plot, borin draggy scenes, unsatisfactory ending, its not that bad? Its rather funny sometimes, and omgosh they have nice handphones! Kinda touching when the (sexy) lady died in place of Donnie Yen and he's lying there helplessly looking at her. The floor breaking apart and falling into the water part is very silly though..

What amused me most bout this show is Nicholas doing a ankle smash w/o stuntman! Oh my was rather amazed he's so flexible. The fighting at the beginning were great, my blood boiling watching the moves. Donnie Yen too! I love his moves since a long time ago la =D

There were also some sudden scenes la. Phyllis was excited at 1 of the scenes, she hit me instinctly in my tummy. Good reaction huh..

The ending.. Speechless.. Last boss just die like that.. And abit sian Nicholas and Shawn abit extra.. And Donnie single-handledly finish off the boss.. I accidently laughed out when he mentioned the skill Donnie used was 降龙十八掌.. can't they be more creative..

After the show we went to shop abit. Bought this Adidas black polo tee for 45 bucks. Not sure to be happy or to regret. Mixed feelings. I kinda like it. She mentioned i look nice on it too. Oh well..

Goner do some OT tomorrow 0800-2300. Aug 9th goner be double pay too. Hope i'll get almost 5k paycheck on my next payday. Weeeee..

Ciao.

Sorry bout the lack of entries recently..

Have been busy with work and flu. Seems like my body is breakin down soon with the frequent changes of workin shifts. Oh my am i really gettin old? Used to be countless sleepless nights before i can really feel the kick, and nowadays its like half a day and i'm damn dozin off already? Oh gosh..

Bein down with flu brings back lotsa memories. How someone will insanely rush back to my place in the middle of school and show me that worried face. How she will change wet towels for me and stayed with me the whole day. Same when she was down with fever and insisted on comin to my place, ended up changin wet towels for her the whole night through till i dozed off. Those are my wonderful memories for keepin.. =]

Realised there isn't anyone who will be worried anymore.. Needless to say changin wet towels..

Have not been in the best of moods. No particular reason, just feelin down. Yeah, the moody quiet me is back. Back to my old cosy shell once again..

Ciao.