What is your favorite comic?

For me, it will definitely be Masakazu Katsura's..



Video Girl Ai, my very 1st. Imagine i read it when i was only 8 years old? All the love and relationships. Perhaps that explained why i had always tried so hard since the past. Yaa, comic is always bout fairytales. Pure love, nothin else. But i still believe in true love? Oh well..

Here's another, I"S, came out durin my sec sch years, when i was 13.



Used to read so much of Katsura's, even learnt to draw the characters. Yes, if you're my sec sch classmates, you'll now realise why i always draw faceless portraits in class! Remember i was once caught drawin in the chinese lesson? Made to change seats, moved right to the front with the 3 ladies, FangYu, XiuTing and MiaoHua? Yaaa, i was drawin..

Someone.

She never really figure it out. Nor did i try confessin. She flew anyway, years later, after JC. Got married over there, never to be back again.

Pals, thanks for the party tonight.

It was fun to have a gatherin @ my place. So much food, so much crap, so much fun! Eurotrip is a kickass funny show ok? If only we can all stay the whole night together huh?

Thanks HuiXin aka ZiA, for the bottle of Bailey!
Am seepin it right now =P

Thanks Bryan, JR, MaiDou and WeiMing for the mahjong session.
Poor JR, lost 12bucks playin 10cents 20cents.
LOL.

Thanks YongTang, for accompanyin so many times.
Sorry i finished your Chivas alone the other night.
Have a safe flight to India later ya?
Cyaa on the 5th bro.

Finally, Ray & Carol.
Without you two, this shop won't have its memories.
I still can't accept though,
The fact you said i looked like Wilbur Pan -.-'
Don't mind you sayin i sing like ZhangYu though..
Stay happy always! xD

Last but not least,
Thank mom, for always bein @ my side..

Well, this cafe gonna have an end soon. Can't wait for the meetin up with my leasor. Can't wait for their compensation. Can't wait for my next chapter of life. Its gonna be fun, managin Ray's other biz. It will be a whole new experience.

Lets pray things will work out just fine =]

Btw, someone took this some days back.



I was helpin her with her laptop,
And she took it without my consent.
Kept sayin i don't look photogenic,
Yet naggin @ me to put it up.
She's the few i ever lost Scissors-Paper-Stone to,
Thus, here she go, HER REQUEST.

BE HONOURED -.-"

5am already, friggin tired..
What will i dream tonight?
Most prob somethin pleasant again..
Somethin, happily ever after?

Ciao.

At my cousy's, drinkin.

I'm tipsy.
She's asleep.
The rest is slackin.

Mom broke into tears today.
Just because my shop is endin.
She is havin too much stress.
Just because of the useless guys @ home..

Gave her a deep hug, and said sorry.
Told her to give me more time.
Tryin my best to work out my future.
She's gonna get what she deserves..

Can totally feel what she feels.
The old chap irresponsible since the beginning.
Eldest debt ridden for life, maybe.
While i'm still nowhere there..

By the way, shop wise, its gettin somewhere. Meetin up soon with my leasors, gonna scare the shit out of them. Most prob they didn't know we gonna make them compensate, its gonna be fun. Well, assumin they won't agree so easily, guess its time to get engage in my 1st ever lawsuit.

How cool can it be..

Am thinkin of somebody.
Feels like somethin's missin.
Is it, just me?
If only she'll chat more..

Let me share somethin nice.



Meetin up for a mornin swim later.
Need my wink.

Ciao.

Dozin off this very minute..

SK, Bryan & YT came over last night. Chivas, and a bottle of expired Bailey. Had mahjong too, i was the only loser, tough luck. SK & Bryan left in the mornin, while YT stayed till one pm plus. Opened for business as usual, didn't catch much wink till now..

Who is to blame, when a r.s turns sour?

J has been tellin me bout his heartaches. 3 years, aren't too long or short. It was his first love. Torn apart, dragged, tortured. That was what he felt ever since. It wasn't a clean break. He knew there were unsolved problems. Yet his heart longed for CH still..

"She had never once understood my pain. The days i had to work so hard, just to earn enough. All she ever said, was why i had no time to accompany. All the cash i spent on her, the meals, the dates, it was all from those hard work. But she simply couldn't understand.." said J.

But i thought, it wasn't her fault? What J wanted, was her to understand the hardship he took, to earn enough. The attention she seeked, he ever tried his best to provide, like spendin almost every night with her. But he didn't manage to understand what CH wanted as well..

From how J described, i felt that CH is someone who really requires attention. Perhaps at 27, she needed security as well. But to her, she doesn't appreciate him workin his ass off for her. All she ever wanted was a little more romance..

Conclusion? What he wanted, she couldn't give. What she needed, he didn't provide. It was merely a case of plain mismatch. Perhaps its somethin we all couldn't help. Even if they are able to get together again in future, most prob they can't last. At least, that was what he agreed on too.

When both can't compromise,
He may think she's wrong for not understandin.
But what makes him think he understood her in the 1st place?

So, when a r.s turns sour,
Nobody is at fault.
They just couldn't appreciate each other..

No point turnin love to haterd.
Be brave enough, accept the future.
For all we ever wanted, is happiness.

J, this song is for you.



By the way, did i mention?
I really can't stand bad temper.

Complain at the slightest wrong.
Yell at the slightest anger.
Whine at the slightest pain.

They only know how to spoil other people's day,
When everyone else is tryin so hard to be happier.
Even the best patience wear thin against them.

一点度量都没有,
佛都有火.

Ciao.

"No temperature.."
"No weight.."
"Ashes that will be blown with the slightest wind.."
"This is, Aki.."
"Someone I have ever ever loved....."



'Crying Out Love In The Centre Of The World'
This very show, ever robbed me buckets of tears.

Ever wondered how you will feel?
Just when you started growin up, you found your 1st love.
Just when you started lovin her, you felt happiness.
Just when you started feelin happy, she fell ill.
Just when you started acceptin the truth, she is goin to die..

You walked with her the very last chapter of her life.
You are her everything.
And for you, life has only but begun..

I wonder why love stories are always so perfect.
So attractive.
So lurin.
The true love.

The characters.
They must be Cancerians and Aquarians.
One steps out of his world to care for her for life.
The other spends everything in her life lovin his world.

Aww..

If you ask me, I still believe in true love. I even believe in love @ first sight. I may even believe in lovin a perfect stranger. Nothin is impossible i guess, when it comes to matters of the heart..

Feelins play such a big part, isn't it?

Anyway. For those who may have not known, my cafe may be closin soon. Cash flow bein the least of problems, am actually havin troubles with my leasor. They have infringed the law, and i have to take action against them. Its gonna be bad long weeks..

After spendin tons of cash time and effort, can't believe its goin down like this. My virgin biz, my 1st baby. But well, its not the end of world? Lotsa opportunities around. Am already considerin my options. Guess my family's comfort gotta come slightly later..

Well, do come visit for a meal still, until further notice ya?
I gonna miss my own steamboat..

Take note.
No matter how bad things may be.
Believe in yourself.
Believe in life.
There will be many other routes.

Love ya all, my friends.

Ciao.

I really heart Japanese shows.

Heaven's Coin
Ah Xing
101 Romance
Beautiful Life
1 Litre Of Tears
Kurosagi
Crying Out Love In The Centre Of The World (both movie & drama)
Be With Me
10 Promises To My Dog

So many more.
So meaningful.
But my favorite is still,
Long Vacation..



Above is the scene when Takuya was playin in the piano competition. This is the show, which really sparked my interest in piano. Though i never had the chance of takin lessons, i love piano pieces nonetheless.

I once told myself,
Whoever who plays me Canon in D with heart,
I'll adore her to bits..

Ever thought bout it?

Over the years, you've learnt how to make someone happy. You know what to do, and what not to. You can even create surprises, jottin down things she likes, and send as gifts. You'll tell her how much you dowana leave her alone, when you wanted to go clubbin so badly. You'll tell her how much you missed her, only after being out the whole day. All these little actions, all these sweeet talk..

You're only usin your technique.

Definitely, you want her to be happy, thats why you hone your skills. But, didn't you do the same before? With 100% of your heart? Right at the beginnin of this r.s? So whats wrong now. Do you still love her? Or merely doin for the sake of doin?

Ask yourself.
Is it still Love,
Or is it Technique..

Friday is gonna be wild.
Chivas & Bailey all night.
The guys are comin over for a party.
Time to get high again.

Round & bright, the moon sure looks pretty tonight.
The countless stars.
The beautiful night.
Do they look the same, right where you are?

Ciao.

Lack of sleep accelerates anger?

Reprimanded my mom moments ago, for doin somethin really stupid @ work. Always doin alot of silly things, but she's my mom after all. Had apologised, yet feelin so sore still..

Was on the phone till 5am.

Haven't had such a heart to heart chat for ages. When was the last time i released all my problems and emo to someone? Day by day, troubles accumulated in my soul. Really feels so comfy now, to have someone to pour my heart to..

2 person, can be so similar, yet so different.

For me & JL, we both have useless fathers. They are alive, but as good as gone. Our moms suffered enough just to bring us up, and we really heart them with our lives. Both cancerians, we are emo for our own good. We understand things easily, care for our friends, and are commited in love. We can be so lonely @ times, just because nobody really know how we feel. We just wanted to be happy..

While life has been pretty comfy in monetary sense for her mom owns part of a major travel enterprise in singapore, mine is simply torturin. The difference in our pocket money shows. Pri school: hers 10bucks, mine 50cents. Sec school: hers 50 bucks, mine 2 bucks. I have to save by skippin meals just to hang out with my friends or buy somethin nice, while she always pay for her friends. I have to share clothes with my 7 years older brother and new clothes bought only once a new year, while she has the means of buyin but just doesn't feel like over dressin. I was robbed of the chance to be vain, while she doesn't want to be. Haha..

Life can so twisted.
Why are evil people livin off this world everywhere?
Why are people born to suffer in the 1st place?

Her : If there's a god, he must be so cruel.
Me : If there's a god, he must be tryin to be funny.

Her very best friend got raped & pregnant, yet that bastard ex bf didn't even bother forkin the cash for abortion. The dad was useless too, and she has to work her ass off for cheap labour to feed the family, just because she has mental conditions which prevent her from takin common stress. Worse still, her mom is terminally ill, and will be leavin anytime soon..

My ex gf suffered the same too, forced to marry that jerk in the end. Things weren't as bad, but enough to ruin years of my life..

But i guess there's somethin to be happy bout in the end. For i have met her, a potential soul mate. I have this feelin we are gonna be the best of friends..

Su asked,
If love is important in my life.
I said,
It is more important than life..

Should the day i held riches,
With enterprises under my name,
Yet if i had no true love,
I'll feel like i have never lived before..

Money, its important in life.
Yet without cash, it doesn't mean love can't begin.
Even porridge will taste luxurious, if both dine with happiness.

But perhaps, my ex gf,
She worshipped cash more than her heart..
May she find the happiness she seek.
Without ruinin other people's family, that is..

Am already over her.
Just worried bout Pierce.
Her son, he needs more care.
And i pray, she will be a better mother.

Whoeva the next may be,
She'll be the one i heart most..
Like the song playin,
I will be right here waitin..

Ciao.

凌晨一点半，一个人坐在店里
看着王力宏，听着他的《唯一》
“牵着我的手是你，但你的笑容却看不清”
这句歌词，曾经唱出我的心

一直以为，过去的过去已是过去
但为何，心里还是不能呼吸
难道说，这几年一直逃避
害怕着，一次又一次的抛弃

我的世界，早已变形
好好恋爱，没那么容易
只缺一个，能让我心动的你
也许，这世界会再美丽

An old couple came for a meal today.

Both vietnamese, most probably in their 70s, judgin from their white hair and battled features. Had a little chat with them durin their meal, such a friendly couple. Happily retired and travellin around. Even showed me their family photo, their grandchildiren around my age. Such a bliss..

More importantly, i can see they're so in love.

Noticed alot of little actions. Like how gramps pass grandma some of his sweet & sour fish. How they chatted and smiled to each other. How grandma wiped gramps' mouth with tissue. How they enjoyed the short 30mins meal together..

I can only say, "Wow.."
I'm seriously so envious of them..
Will my 70s ever be the same?

Isn't it nice?
To have someone to love,
Someone to marry,
Someone to have a kid,
Someone to grow old with..

Someone to stroke her hair, pat her back, share blanket, sleep & cuddle up with.
Someone to walk me @ the beach, enjoyin the cool breeze, sunset and sea.
Someone to accompany to read the stars, admire the moon, lyin on a wide grass patch.
Someone to go on a cruise, to see the world, and take lotsa photos & memories.

Gosh..
Will my true love ever come..

Just received my latest birthday present today. Familiar package, familiar handwritin, familiar gift, Miz has always been surprisin me with my favorite candy. Guess it had became a secret already, that i really liked heart shape candies. Just because Min was the 1st to bought me lotsa..



Took a photo of what Winnie sent me weeks back too. A really nice book that i haven't had the time to finish up yet. And its really so sweet of her to buy me a present, even though it has only been such a short period since we met. Appreciate it! =]



Was chattin with Maidou bout fate.

It decides who we meet.
We decide how things happen.
When the chance is missed, we just gotta wait for the next..

It is just like a bus ride.
Standin at the bus stop, we await for our love.

Sometimes when it comes,
We hesitated, afraid of takin the wrong bus.
After it left, even if we realise its the right one, its already too late.

Sometime when it comes,
We have a feelin its the right bus.
Tried to board, but chased down by the driver.
Wrong bus, they say.
But we knew, it may just bring us to where we want.

There are times too,
When we board the bus, only to find out its wrong.
Thus, alighted somewhere on the road, lost & confused.
Thats when we have to find out where we are, all over again.

But, at the end of the day,
I'm sure we will all find our right buses,
And get to our own destination, somehow..

Ciao.

Why must couples bicker for no good reasons?

If both are truly in love with each other, won't they do anythin in their means to make each other comfy & happy? Both may have different preferences, but i'm sure true love conquers all?

Am so tired listenin to friends whinin bout their soured r.s over tiny matters. The fact they didnt even bother compromisin greatly pissed me off. Is it really so hard to put themselves in their SO's shoe?

Just an eg.
If your bf dreads you go clubbin, you can try thinkin why.
If you feel you are not doin anythin wrong, and he should trust you, reverse the situation.
Imagine him goin clubbin and knowin all the girls, drunk & havin fun.
How you feel may be what he feels too.

Is it really that difficult?

Like my previous post mentioned, must he be gone before you realisin you have been takin him for granted all along? Must you two be seperated by force before understandin how easy love can actually be?

So please, if you really love him, stop findin faults.
START LOVIN HIM.
Duh!

Anyway..

Saw Anntonii's question the other day.
When will we consider ourselves rich enough?

Gave it a really good thought. Till the day i don't have to worry bout my mom, don't have to worry bout my future wife and kids, i will consider myself rich. Meanin, my career will have to be stable enough to sustain our happy lifestyle. As long we have a shelter, i can take care of my mom's older days, shower my wife with love, provide my kids the best education & care, have spare for rainy days, should be enough.

Really no point thinkin of how many zeros i want in my bank accounts. So what if i can be friggin rich. All the time wasted on fightin for the cash, can never be bought back. Spendin it on my family, isn't it more worthwhile?

Was tellin Sharyn i'm not photogenic earlier in the day.

The person i see in the mirror, is never the same in the picture. The difference is huge. Sometimes i even doubted if i really look like what i see in the mirror. I really wonder why i can't take a proper picture. This explains why i always shun the camera, and not puttin up any photos in my friendster.

But well, she was kind enough to tell me, i don't look bad.
Friends for so many years, she should be tellin the truth.
My my, why am i even bein vain.
Ha.

Have you ever met your dream guy or girl?

For eg, i came across this person.
She has very attractive features.
Mesmerizin inner beauty.
Absorbin characters & personalities.
Common interests & understandins.
One in a zillion..

I guess most people will think, if only they are able to meet such people. But what if, i met, yet wonder if i really deserves her? And what if we belong to two very different worlds?

But i know,
If fate permits,
If we truly fall in love,
Its gonna be the most beautiful love story..

Bizarre Love Triangle.
A nice song my ex used to sing to me,
While sittin on my bed,
Strummin her guitar gently..

2+am.
Shall listen to the song to sleep.

Ciao.

Saw 10 Promises To My Dog today.

Such a meaningful show. Japanese are always that good in expressing themselves. Not solely was it bout doggies. If you can think deep enough, it really teaches you alot bout life. Growin up. Family. Relationships.

The message was brought across really neat. For us, 10 years may be just a blink of an eye. But for our dear doggies, they lived their whole life for us. Unselfishly, whole heartedly, we are their everything..

"If only guys can do the same?", those ladies must be wonderin.
Guess they really need good luck to meet really nice guys.
Like me? =X
Haha, ya right..

ANYWAY~~

As we grow up, we experience new life. We may go to a new school, we may have a new job, and we definitely will have less free time. Things will start to get busy, and we will neglect things that were once important to our lives. Interests, friends, even our family..

When was the last time you gave someone close, a real tight hug?

We should, for we may never have the chance again. Don't take things for granted. Just when we thought life is still fine, the future is still bright, things might just disappear. Life is that merciless..

Cherish.

The whole cinema was in tears. A few climax and there were lotsa sobbin. I wasn't spared either. The feelin of losin someone close for good, it really hurts. It makes me treasure everyone even more..

The lady beside me was in tears too. Used alot of tissues i noticed. But she kept lookin at me. I wonder why. Maybe a man's tears are pretty rare? Think i was the only guy drippin wet. Saw some bfs yawnin away. Ha..

Rena Tanaka never fails to impress me. Her character, mesmerize me throughout. Though i did hate the fact she neglected Socks, treated her so bad in the show. But then she remembered her mom and the 10 promises at the end, and was there to accompany when Socks left. Well, Rena is still as pretty as ever.

1st noticed her durin my younger days. Think that was 1999? Bought my 1st and only biography book. Hers. Just because i saw somethin unique..

She wears a toe ring.

Funny isn't it?
But ya, thats what caught my eye.

My ex-starhub partner Miss Moo, who accompanied me watch the show earlier in the day, just flew off for Hokkaido for her 10 days tour. May she enjoy her little holiday. Bon voyage!

Well, just finished watchin Gundam 00. It was pretty neat, a different story from the usual Gundam Seed series. Can't wait for season II. Been a long time since i saw much anime. Miss the past when i have the free time to watch almost everythin. Connection just aren't fast enough to download in shop. Oh well..

Really miss those older ones, like Lodoss War & Sakura Card Captor.
Even 龙猫.
Haha..

5am, so late again.
Tml is gonna be a really busy day.
Btw, did i mention business was good again today?
I must have met my lucky star.
I wonder who.

Take care, all my pals.
Meet up soon someday.

Ciao.

Good luck always strike twice?

Business was exceptionally well today too. Unexpected reservations keep comin in, 14pax just now, 10pax more for tomorrow. Really hope things can keep up, and when the profits kick in, ray will get back all the fruits of labour. He has been a really patient & supportive good pal. Mine can wait =]

Had a really sweeet dream last night. A rather surprising one too, dreamt of my secondary school crush. Reminded me of the days i used to sing her songs via pager voice mail. Even deliberately borrowed CDs from her, learnin to appreciate her favorite singer. I didn't really try courtin her in the end, as she was attached durin a period. I knew i wasn't her type too. Though we have been good pals and meet up every now and then, but the feelin i had in the dream was so different.

I really woke up smilin..

Feelins play a major role in my life. Many have the impression cancerians being emotional are negative, i really beg to differ. I may be jottin down chunks of my thoughts in this blog, but does that means friends around me will suffer? We'll still have a great time partyin, chillin out together. I'm still full of smiles and laughter. Though i may think alot, but thats only because i love to understand things. And don't be surprised, its the very reason why pals love to confide in me.

Anyway, i can't imagine whats life like without feelins. Song writers can't write their songs, authors can't pen their thoughts, directors can't do their shows. Everyone will be so cold hearted. Life will be so meaningless.

Life is full of ups and downs. I'm sure everyone will have their emo day. Just that mine is 24/7. Usually in a good way too. Ha.

Finally am catchin the movie '10 Promises To My Dog' later. Its gonna be really good! Jap shows are always so meaningful, aren't they? Like Long Vacation, Beautiful Life, 1 Litre of Tears, etc, all teaches bout life. Just like romance shows teachin bout true love..

I wonder how many lovers are truly in love in this world.

It really sadden me when some couples have to bicker and seperate for really silly reasons. Must they really go through life & death to really cherish & adore each other more? Must they really be seperated by force before they realise each other is whom they wanted to grow old with?

Maybe sharyn was right. The fact i always go all out each time, got me banged onto the wall so hard. The move i loved, the deeper i was hurt. But askin me not to commit so much, that i really can't do either. Like a worker without heart, his work will always be half-fucked. If i really love someone, i really love her. How to not give her all my heart..

Really wish to meet someone who can really love like me.

Gosh, 4am already.
Better rest my mind.

Ciao.

After min, quiet i became, no longer laughin or crackin silly jokes. Great pals turned friends, and friends turned strangers. How many have i lost then, i couldn't figure. Smilin was all i did, other than maple, helbreath & pristontale. Silly of me to dig my life into mmorpgs, but ironically that was my only way out. Fat i grew, hagged i became, nobody seem to recognise me anymore. And i caught my mom sobbed silently..

I knew life was just wastin away, but 'who cares' was what i thought. Nobody was able to influence me, not even my beloved mommy. Her tears caused heartaches, but i really couldn't help it. God knew who could have really helped me. And ya, he really did send me an angel. In disguise, perhaps..

Randomly i was fixin my friendster, showin no pics of myself except my precious baby photos. Oh, did i mention i burnt away my sec sch, poly, and all other photos linked to min? Baby pics was what i have left, and preciously kept till today. I really regretted the burnin. I could be laughin at the photos today. Maybe i could..

14th feb valentines, contradictin day as emo was always exceptionally high durin such festives. Funny though, someone sent me a friendster msg. "Ahh, ur baby pics are cute.. =)". Out of the blue, a jolt struck. Her name is inin.

By mid march, we were already over with the phone phase. I never knew things will go this way. I thought my heart was already dead. But hey, she showed me it was still beatin away. Her philosophy on love was always so dreamy. So simple, yet so desirable and sweet. We shared alot in common, from interests to daily routines. She even had her own tragedy..

We finally met on march end. In the beginning we simply wanted to stay as online friends, but i guess curiousity beat us both. We were both dyin to know more. We were both wonderin if..

The 1st movie we had, 见鬼. To be honest, i detest ghost shows. Why spend money to scare yourself? But that day i had no complaints. I was lookin at her throughout the 2 hours. Easily embarrassed, her shyness left quite a deep impression. She was the 1st i shared my tragedy with, and she cared alot for me. She never foresaw she could really take over that place in my heart. We both didn't saw it comin..

7 straight days we met, both wantin to get each other out. She's a msian, older by a year, and i'm her only friend except a few others and her sister who was married to sg. To me, she was then my one and only soulmate. We shared no secrets. Everyday was paradise. I told/ask myself, she's really the one..?

On the 7th day, we watched 'The Passion of Christ'. None of us could really appreciate, no offence, since we arent believers. Had free tix from her sis's company, so, just an excuse to meet up again. In that show i was lookin at her again, this time she reacted shyly in a darin manner. She held my hands..

That was really one of the best thing that had ever happened to me in my whole life. Everyday became valentines. No words can really describe how happy we both were. After such a long tirin journey, we were really glad and worshipped fate. She was the 2nd soul i'll heart till death..

Dont let ur minds wander, she's still alive. If she wasn't, doubt i'll be here. But things still happen. One day while shoppin for couple tees, she asked if she could get a bday gift for her ex. We both knew we won't mind. I even picked a nice green tee for her. That weekend she left for msia..

She changed. Her eyes grew listless. Her affection waivered. She used to stare into my eye and smiled like candy. But all i could saw after that weekend was confusion. Confronted her and all she told me was 'dont worry'..

Her trips to msia frequented. She didn't make up any excuses, she went to look for him. Each time when she's back, the confusion deepened. Yet i couldn't make her stop. I wouldn't. We truthfully respected each other. That is what we had built upon our r.s. Yet, i demanded answers. My heart grew wearily thin. It cracked, after all the effort she put to glued the million pieces back again..

After 6 months of sweetness, we spent 2 draggin. In the end she confessed. She loved me. Though she loved him more. I could understand. Afterall, i was indirectly the 3rd guy. She loved him for 8 years, broke up and met me a year later. But i really dont wish to let her go..

I did, in the end. Couldn't afford to play the game anymore. That fateful night at the woodlands checkpoint bus-stop, we cried and hugged like mad. So many buses went past and i'm sure they were all wonderin whats with these 2 idiots. Idiots in love, i guess..

We still met up after the breakup, daily in fact. It was a habit, and we simply felt uneasy not to. Still holdin hands, still kissin goodbyes, still mornin calls, still waitin under her block and walk her to work every mornin 6am. Only till things loosened abit, we started to feel the rift, and the tide died down..

I couldn't rem the date we last met..

What a day!

A few bunch of customers came for lunch, and i didn't realise they weren't 1st timers. Would have given them free drinks as a token of appreciation, if mom could tell me earlier. As i'm usually in the kitchen cookin, seldom was i able to interact. Seems like my cafe is gettin more regular customers nowadays? It shows my food is worth their visit ya. A really great confidence booster!

Aside to the regulars, the reservation of 20pax in the evenin went great too! The ladies really enjoyed their gatherin, and was happy i let them bring in their own red wines. Think they got a little too high, a few kept shakin hands with me, chattin and laughin away. They kept thankin me despite the fact it was them who gave me the chance, and i only gave a little 10% discount.

Mom says i'm such an auntie killer.
YA RIGHT..
*shrugs*

Well, kitchen is almost empty right now. Think i'll have to get up really early later and head for the supermarket. Yawns..

Chatted with winnie earlier in the day. I believe in horoscope, realised they are rather true to a certain extend. Like how love committed aquarians love freedom, homely cancerians are emo, dreamy pisces being friendly and easy goin, egoistic leo and their pride, perfectionist virgo, straight forward aries etc. My recent ex, she is an aquarian. Was complainin to winnie bout my ex's bad temper, lack of care and understandin, always askin for break ups without proper reasons, always flirtin around, blah blah blah. Until winnie told me she's aquarian too and not all traits apply to her. Heard vernice tellin me bout the same before as well. Perhaps, some factors are still pretty dependable on individuals?

Well, at least winnie managed to desuade me from condemin her fellow star sign, and i've learnt to love an aquarian's good traits. At least they are renown for their commitment in love, aside to my ex's case. Thats really what i look for in an r.s. Perhaps, i really won't mind datin an aquarian again..

But it still depends on Fate and True Love ya?

Joe finally decided to drop by today. He still looks the same! But think he can do better without that pony tail of his, erks me a little ha. Was a little rushed, as i was expectin the reservation people to step in anytime. Really hopin to chat more with him. He told me bout his friend who passed away recently after coma. Can feel the pain. Bout a close friend leavin him so young. Sigh, thats life, i guess..

I wonder hows kenny's family is doin, since he left us last year in the freak bike accident. And his gf, whom was supposed to marry him months later. They even had the date set. Really hope she is copin fine..

Have decided to dedicate a corner for my past,
Not to remind me how hurt i was.
But a place for my precious memories,
For me to be strong.

Wow, 2am soon.
Shall put a stop for today.
More to write tomorrow ya?
Stay tuned!

Ciao.

8 years ago, 17 was the age, young & innocent i was. Knew nuts bout r.s, broke many hearts i believe, before life really started showin any meanin. I met Min, it was love @ first sight..

A blink of an eye and gone were 2 years and months. How many times we quarreled, astronomic. On and off were our r.s, always patched with a hug or a kiss. We were selfish. We simply loved too much to give each other up..

Soon came our 2nd last episode. Seperate ways we went again, this time with a little twist. A guy came into the light. He was her childhood, her important family friend. Parents of both owned businesses u see? All along he was a menace, if he's referred as the light or good then i'll definitely be the dark or evil. He was perfect in many eyes; studies, physique, FAMILY. He was many years older, saw the world a few years earlier. But hey? take note, i didn't mention CHARACTER or PERSONALITY..

I dare not boast he was never our problem. I used to imagine he couldn't even be a fly in our sea of love. But i painfully underestimated him till i saw his real form. Hoverin all over, waitin for his victim to die from affection, he was a vulture. I lost to him, that once, and it turned our whole world upside down..

She had a group of sisters, 7 altogether. always clubbin, ktvin, u name it. That fateful night, drinkin was on the menu again. She was drunk as usual, and i was stupidly insane to ignore her calls due to my arse 19yo immaturity. He showed up that night, fulfillin his 'duty' to send her home. That father's son, he never took her home at all. She woke up cold, aircon blastin away, and she wasn't even dressed..

When she came cryin to me days later my knees grew weak, shakin. Damn the fear. i was shakin with anger! God knows how i really wanted to stab that prick 999 times! The next thing i knew was my immaturity took control, and i was almost sent to the police. Well, at least he had to see a doc, and stay there for weeks. He was lucky..

Things blown up and the families gathered. 1 demanded actions, 1 offered solutions. In the end, the conclusion, marriage. Protest sounded straight away by me and her, it was impossibly unacceptable! why suffer 2 souls for the sins of the sinner? That day was 23rd may..

Amidst the drama, a funeral came. Both my grandpa & favorite uncle left the world. My gramps had a stroke, we were all prepared. My uncle, he knew death was comin as cancer cells were growin too fast too strong and he almost couldn't have any treatment. My cousin, face to face, saw him departin that night. Cried my lungs out through the whole 7 days of funeral. She wasn't there with me. That day was 2nd june, and 7 days later, it was my enlistment on 9th june..

Who would have thought life could be so cruel? Leavin my r.s alone, i couldn't even settle down from my gramps & uncle's. I walked onto tekong with tears. Many thought i was a wimp. They didn't even knew. If i got guts, i would have swam back shore that very 1st night. Ever since the funeral i couldn't contact her. Hp went dead soon and after a long bloody queue for the public phone, all i hear was the lady's voice, she switched off her mobile..

2nd week nobody came visitin. Mom was busy and i told her not to. That painstalkin day i smiled to everyone when they intro gfs to me. That night, i punched my PC (officer). He was good to me, showed me care after tellin him my problem durin the weekly interview. But he spoke taboo. he spoke ill, of all the people in the world. Good intentions turned sour..

I wasn't charged. Instead my PC proposed to my OC (main officer) for my long weekend. I was so ashamed to face him. That long weekend really felt like ages, time passed so slow. I couldn't find her at all. Nice '7 sisters' did nothin to help out, insistin it was her instruction. In the end it was Rhishna the maid who told me she left sg for a holiday, with HIS family. I was devastated..

Monday back in tekong, i missed training the next day. She called on monday night. "It's the end for us", she said. 'Tired of defyin', 'endless apologies', 'its better for the both of us'; phrases so hard to forget. She was going to leave me alone and never to surface again, and claimed that was her love for me. Obviously then i couldn't understand. When i finally came to my senses months later, i knew. She meant to give me a sharp fast tight stab in the heart, a sure death. Rather than a slow torturin kill. Years later, we got in touch again. I realised her parents were actually plannin to divorce after years of seperation, and it was their daughter's plight that brought them together again. A sufferin to end another sufferin, what a twist of fate..

Since the breakup 1st july i was never myself again. Was given clerk status in camp even though i'm pes A. They could have thrown me into commando or SOF and let me drown my sorrows shootin some idiot JI mas selemat idiots. i guess that punch did have some effect in my blue interview booklet..

Anyway..
Army life was meaningless..
Till i met Inin..

Was walkin by this bird shop near my cafe this noon.
Saw a bunch of 老伯伯 mixin around, loud chattin.
A sudden thought struck me..

Why are these uncles, even called 'bird lovers' ?

Watchin cages full of birds that can't fly,
Only endless flappin, hopin to escape from their torment.
What do these uncles really enjoy?
Have they too, lost their wings, long forgotten the sky they once belonged?

What a twisted world..

Same goes for people around me.
Someone, heavily in debt, is goin for a holiday.
After draggin everybody in, he still gets to enjoy.
While someone else is workin his ass off for their mom's future.
Ha..

I really don't blame him for bettin, you know.
It was his rottin soul, that pissed me off.
Blamin things like luck, heaven, 命.
But never himself..

Well, life still goes on.

I miss my past.
No doubt i have ever been tellin everyone else,
To look forward and live with no regrets.
But still..

Where was my die hard gang who used to hang around daily?
Where was the attention i used to get, in school and out?
Where was my happy life, when everyday was like a dream?
Where was the smile..

But ya, i can never turn back time.
So, forward, i shall.

Doesn't it ticks you off sometimes?
When you cared so much for your friends,
Yet they simply don't have you in heart?
And those whom you are tryin so hard to mingle with,
Carried on with their life without stoppin by?

Joe is back.
Its really funny how it feels.
Even though he was @ aussie.
Even though we haven't been hangin out much.
But he should be the closest person on this earth,
Who understands me most.
Perhaps its due to the days difference in our bdays.
If only he's a girl, ya?
HA.

Recently i got pretty inspired.
Have been readin Anntonii's stories.
Feel like takin up my pen once more.
Since i used to write alot as well.
My dreams.
My thoughts.
My own stories.

So don't be surprised, if you see a link someday.

So much more to write, so little time.
Just packed up, needa bath.
Shall get my well deserved rest.

I miss you all, my friends.

Ciao.

6pm soon.
Rainy blues.

Maidou had a question some time back which really got me thinkin. When i needed someone, who can i call 4am at night?

A tricky question indeed.

Perhaps Bryan or SK, provided they can be awaken, still i rather not disturb them. Most prob i'll be online searchin for non-sleepin souls instead. But if i really am to call someone, think i have a few in mind..

Some dear pals do call me @ wee hours sometimes. Lackin a few hours of dreams is no big deal i guess. @ least it shows they can confide in me. Dear cousy always call me @ late nights too laa. When i was still with my ex, her calls always got her so fedup lol. Those were the nights..

To me, someone to confide in, it means a soulmate? Like someone to chat anythin under the moon with. There will be no secrets, no lies. "Seems like most people mistook 'soulmate' for lifelong partner" says Maidou. Its true to a certain extent, i guess. Who doesn't wish they can chat heartily bout life with their Significant Other. It aren't easy to be similar..

So what bout good buddies? Bryan and SK are gonna be my great pals for life. Even so, we don't hang out much. We just know, if there are problems, we'll definitely be there to help each other out. Ray too, always there for me, though i'm not sure if i'm considered his. I'm pretty sure he has his own group of buddies..

There are some really sweet friends too? Like Jwen. She brought her whole family to my shop, all the way from pasir ris! Thats really duper sweet you know? I'm ultra-easily touched and thats really touchin. If we are able to communicate better, i'm sure we'll really make great pals..

Not to mention names, but there are some who live as near as nearby, and never bother supportin. Guess it shows ya. Not even my own ex supported me when we were still together. It really shows how much she loved me too. Perhaps everybody's busy with their own lives, especially after passin the mid 20s. Perhaps some people just dislike such situations. But you know, if a friend of mine ever gonna set up their own biz, i'll definitely support. Somehow and another ya..

"That is what friends are for"
Quoted from Miss Wu, when she offered help durin my lowest periods.

Gonna start preparin food for the night.
Shop is bein reserved for a lunch event tml.
Another reservation made for thursday evenin as well.
Its gonna be busy.

Some lyrics for you, from the song on this blog.

整个世界 停止 不转动 很寂寞
走在海边 数着 萤火虫 好困惑
想要的生活 怎么有一百种
不想掉进这深深 漩涡

整个海洋 摆动 柔软的 举起我
孤单给我 自由 犹豫得 好感动
想要的生活 怎么有一百种
该怎么走 谁来告诉我?

wow~

每当我背对星空
抱着地球
发现自己其实脆弱 不敢说

当我背着星空
孤独摸索
爱情渐渐萎缩 我猜不透

无边的宇宙 哪里有我想要的生活

*Repeat from 2nd para

我那一百种 要在很久很久以后才会懂
我一百种生活

Test, test.

Seems like my attempt of revivin my blog, is a big success. Last post was Jan 07, ages ago. Gosh, it shows how busy with life i was. Time to escape from reality once more..

Btw, i made the background picture myself.
Its still 1 of my fav movies, Serendipity.

Well, i'm still pretty much the same? Followin the stint at Starhub, i joined OCBC Bank as their relationship officer. Didn't last long enough though, for there was the place i met some of the darker sides of life. Backstabbin, office politics, jealousy, selfishness, betrayal. It was that bad..

Recently established a little steamboat cafe along Bukit Merah straits. 3 months into biz, i'm still copin. It wasn't easy. All the plannin, budget, marketin, especially food as i wasn't experienced in f&b. But nothin beats the 1st step out. Many thanks to my most admirable partner, Ray. He was the one who showed me the other side of the world, which i have always yearned for. He is really capable both in work and life, which i still have lotsa to learn from. Am really glad to have met him..

Let me guess, many who hasn't heard, will be be interested in my love life?

1606 was our anni
2306 was my bday
2406 was the breakup

Need me to say more?

Things just didn't work, i guess. The more chances i gave, the more disappointments i got. Thus, i gave up. Alot of things she did that wasn't acceptable i took it with open heart, but patience ran out in the end. Which guy can stand her girl flirtin around anyway..

Thats all i'll say.
Aren't any good of me to talk bad bout her.

Love has always been so complicated for me, as quoted from Vernice. 1st ex forced to marry another guy. I was indirectly the 3rd party in my 2nd ex's life. And now, my last ex, who is a divorced mom with 5yo son, flirted with other guys, not respectin our r.s at all. Can't fate just bring me a simpler love? Why is 3rd party always involved in my life? Geez..

I have a very simple theory.

When one is madly in love, he/she will do anythin for you.
When one wasn't able, then perhaps he/she only love you that much.

I still believe in true love, i guess.
Fate too..

3am, its almost time for bed. Been stayin in shop nowadays, away from the comfort of family and her. All the daily cold baths and lonely nights, they are only goin to make me stronger. Shall keep learnin to be a better man..

Ciao.